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My Kitchen Disasters: How NOT to Cook Crack
I’ll be honest—when I first decided to figure out how to cook crack, I thought I’d nail it on the first try. I mean, how tough could it be? A little water, some baking soda, a hot stove—sounds like a recipe for success, right? Wrong. My early attempts were a trainwreck, and I’ve got the scars (and a ruined spoon) to prove it. Here’s a rundown of the five dumbest mistakes I made, so you don’t have to learn the hard way like I did.
Mistake 1: Too Much Water, Too Little Patience
The first time I tried, I dumped way too much water into my Pyrex dish. I figured more liquid would make it easier to mix—big nope. It turned into this milky soup that refused to harden, even after 20 minutes on the stove. I kept staring at it, thinking, “Any second now…” but it just sat there mocking me. One video I saw later said to use just enough water to make it “creamy”—wish I’d known that before I turned my kitchen into a swamp.
Mistake 2: Ignoring the Heat Level
I’m no stranger to burning stuff—ask my smoke detector—but this was next-level. I cranked the stove to high, thinking it’d speed things up. Instead, I got a burnt mess that smelled like regret. Someone in the dataset mentioned cooking it slow on medium heat to keep it white instead of yellow. Me? I ended up with something closer to charcoal. Lesson learned: patience beats power when it comes to heat.
Mistake 3: Skimping on the Whip
Stirring? Psh, I thought that was optional. I gave it a lazy swirl and called it good. The result? A lumpy, uneven blob that wouldn’t hold together. I saw a guy on X talking about “whipping it so it don’t burn,” and that stuck with me. My next try, I went all in—circular motions, full commitment—and it actually started to look like something. Turns out, the whip is where the magic happens.
Mistake 4: Forgetting to Pop the Bubbles
This one’s embarrassing. One batch was bubbling up like crazy, and I just let it go, thinking it was part of the process. Nope. Those big bubbles hardened into weird craters, and the whole thing looked like a moon rock gone wrong. A clip I watched later showed the guy popping them with a spoon to keep it smooth. I tried that next time, and it was a total game-changer—wish I’d caught on sooner.
Mistake 5: Rushing the Cool-Down
After finally getting something decent, I couldn’t wait to check it out. I pulled it from the dish while it was still hot, and it crumbled into a sad pile in my hands. I was gutted. One dude in a video let his sit for a full day to dry out—overkill for me, but waiting at least an hour made all the difference. Patience, again, was my downfall.
What I Took Away
These screw-ups were messy, frustrating, and occasionally hilarious—like the time I almost set off the fire alarm (again). But they taught me more than any perfect run ever could. If you’re curious about where I started, check out my first wild ride in 6 Lessons I Learned While Figuring Out How to Cook Crack over at TechzyLab. It’s where I laid out the basics before crashing and burning.
For a deeper dive into the science behind it (safely, of course), I found this Wikipedia page on crack cocaine pretty eye-opening.
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